The Whiskey Off Road 2013

The Whiskey Off Road in its 10^th year has drawn an amateur participation of over 2,000 riders and a couple hundred professional mountain bikers to the town of Prescott Arizona at the end of every April.  The event has grown to offer the largest pro pay out heard of to date at $40,000 divided evenly amongst men and women and 12 deep within each.  As a result, the highest level riders from around the world travel to this race in hopes to claim some of that purse.

This year was my second year racing in the professional race and I was excited to see how I compared to the previous year.  Last year, I had barely received my upgrade to pro status and while Epic Rides does not require the professional card to race in the professional field, this boosted my resume enough to allow the race director to place me last minute amongst the finest riders in the world.  I was semi trained for the endurance race but not specifically ready for it and ended up enjoying the day more than others by coming in last.  This year I hoped to pick off a few more girls in the field and feel good, overall, that I’ve gained at least “some” improvements over the course of the last year.

The Fat Tire Crit , Photo by AZ Athletes In Motion

Let’s get to it.  The weekend starts on Friday with a Fat Tire Crit.  An awesome event that kicks the weekend off for riders and spectators to watch the pro’s battle a small looped course around downtown Prescott for 20 minutes.  We are all required to show to the event, otherwise we receive an 8 minute penalty on the Sunday’s race.  The crit is an awesome experience.  Its high intensity, there are people screaming at you, there is free beer to the spectators, there are people dressed in costumes chasing you and yelling at you.  This year, a gorilla tried his hand at offering beer to actual riders in the crit.  I saw one girl partake! I love it! This is what mountain biking is!  I completed the crit, but I was 2^nd yanked off of course, as the rule states that if the leader is going to “lap” you, you will be removed from course.  Slowly the field is yanked until just a few remain and they battle to the end.   This year I lasted a few minutes longer against the field, but not by much.  

Thumb Butte Area of the Whiskey Course,  photo by AZ Athletes In Motion

The following day we get to cheer on the amateur division.  2,000 riders take off into the hills of Prescott to battle in a series of categories which include a 25 mile distance and a 50 mile distance, single speed and also with gears.  My husband, Nick, lined up with the 25 mile distance and slaughtered the field by a huge margin and landed himself a 1^st place overall victory. He walked away “swagged” out by Epic Rides.  Always a good day.  The evening ends with Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers jamming away in downtown square and New Belgium Brewery supplying beers at $3 a pull to keep the night going.  

My friend Laurel and Nick, she was working Clif Bar Booth

Sunday comes, and here is my day.  Race starts at 8 and I line up with 50 other professional mountain bike chicks.  Last year, I barely knew any of them but over the course of my first year playing alongside these girls, I’ve made a few friends.  One of them Is Christine Jeffrey’s who lines up right beside me and tells me good luck. Give it all I have and just enjoy the day.  Always great words of advice!  The horn blows , and the police escort the entire group of girls out of town. We stick together as a pack. We all know the game doesn’t start until we hit dirt.  Dirt being 3 miles out of town but once there, the escort pulls off and lets us loose.  Most the girls are gone. Gone like the wind.  I hold onto mid pack for a while and maneuvering the first hour and half of the course just fine. I feel great, flying.  Next comes a nice long descent into a place called Skull Valley tho.  Once down there, you have to turn right back around and climb 12 miles out.  This climb is gruesome because it’s literally “all” climb.  Its dirt road and its protected from the mountains so the only thing you feel is a blistering heat without any wind.  I put my head down and just tell myself to survive. Maybe picture myself in spin class, where the instructor Steve has just turned the room into a hot yoga studio and removed all the air, yelling at us to climb! CLIMB he says!   Survive this and push as hard as you can.  Unfortunately, my hardest wasn’t hard enough.  Most girls climbed out of the hill within an hour and 10 minutes.  It took me close to an hour and 30 minutes to accomplish the same segment.  Ugh!  Devastating!!  Even worse, but something had gone terribly wrong with my nutrition or training in that by the time I reached the top of Skull Valley, I tried to begin my next descend but my legs officially gave out on me and with every pedal stroke felt like my thigh muscles were going to tear apart.  Jaime Brede who races for Honey Stinger catches me around this moment and asks me how I’m doing (as she passes) and I yell out,  “My body has given out, I’m trying to survive!”  She knows and understands the pain and continues on.  I now spend the rest of the time trying to not do permanent damage to my body on the last segments of this course by easy spinning my legs.  There is a huge downhill segment right before you reach the road that takes you right back into town and the finish line.  I’ve had numerous friends come out to support me this weekend, and I had a gut feeling of the location that they would be waiting to catch their last glimpse and cheer me on to the finish.  This location is a rock garden taking you over a small stream, completely ride able, and I approach, I look up… I see , 1, 2, 3, 4 friends … I’m counting them.  UGH!  Great all eyes on me.  One guy yells at me, “Lines to the right”.  “Uh huh!Right!” I say.  I go for it. I know how to do it, but panic hits me with all eyes.  I will say this though, my body was drained, it could barely move and yet somehow, knowing that my friends were going to be there to support me had given me extra strength through that section and for the remaining of the course. 

 

So, I’ve learned something very near and dear to me from this weekend.  2 things.  The first thing is HUGE.  I learned that the body really doesn’t operate purely out of physical capabilities… I’ve experienced it before, but this time its definitely hit a mark with me…. The body also is highly functional purely on its mental state. Its determination, its desire to do something, the adrenaline behind it, and the support of its friends and family to push it beyond what it thinks it can do.  The second thing I learned, is that this sport takes time.  While I made my goal of picking off a few girls this year instead of winding up last, I learned that I have a long way to go still.  These girls have put in years of dedication to get to their level and I have years to go.  Consistency, motivation, and constantly reaching for the next milestone will allow me to continue to grow.  You may see me mid-pack amongst this talented field in a few years. Thanks to Trisports... Adventure Bikes and my family and friends that came to support.

Bonelli Park Pro XCT Race Report

“Do you want to go play with me in the California circuit Kata?”  says, Beth Utley a couple months ago.   Bonelli Park Pro XCT was our destination, March 16^th. A US Cup Mountain Bike Race.  We packed up the car and the bikes and made the drive to San Dimas California to participate in our first pro xct world cup race.  It is here that there would be Olympians and Xterra World Champs to test our strength against.

Beth and I are used to racing the Arizona mountain bike circuit; I had previously been caught up racing endurance off road events and triathlons, but I joined the sprint circuit last year for a few races in the CAT1 (expert) division and this year I’m completing the entire AZ series with my newly acquired Pro status.  Beth and I toe the line together.   She is my friend, my competition, the one that is pushing me this season.  

She picks me up early Friday morning and we start our venture to the Bonelli race.  Do a pre-ride of the course and realize that we may be out of our leagues here.  It’s technical, off-chamber, no flat to this course, there is no room for error or room to breathe.  You must be “on” the entire time. It’s a 3.1mile x5 loop course totaling 3,500 ft of climbing, and the descents don’t let you rest either.  We are nearly in tears after the first pre-ride lap, but decide to go again after getting some food in us.  Let’s make sure we give ourselves every possible chance at maneuvering these tech sections correctly.   We retreat from the venue to the hotel feeling decent but not as optimistic going in.

Despite the tough climbs, the scenery was amazing.

Race day comes; the course marshal introduces the line of women.  I’m counting nearly 30 professional mountain bikers with excellent resumes, some take close to a minute to introduce.  When it comes to Beth and I… very quick introduction as my resume basically consist of being from “Phoenix, AZ!!!” (At least he said it with enthusiasm)  Oh well, to the line I roll.   I am 3 rows behind the front runners.   The countdown begins, and we are off.  These girls fly into super gear, I’ve never seen girls bike so fast, out of the gate they go and I’m dead last. Very last place out of the shoot I roll, yet by the first climb I start making some headway.   I pass 3 girls, one of them is Beth.  She is an amazing climber... so when Kata passes on the first climb, we know that she is having an off day.  I am used to Beth killing me out of the gate and me playing catch up the rest of the race.  The air is warm and the humidity is above 50%, I gasp at her with whatever breath I have “Okay Beth, I have to take the pass.” She knows and she understands. She is struggling with finding her climbing legs that didn’t want to show up to the race for her today.  We have these days, I’ve had these days as well, but today I want to climb and I climb well for myself.  The climbing on this course is insane, you grasp for an easier gear but you realize you’ve already granny geared yourself out. Your heart is through your throat and the water from the air is trapping your lungs.  You near every crest for a break, but you are immediately hit with a technical descend.  I still have calluses on the palms of my hands from the grip. My heart rate never lowers.  Through loop 1 I go, alone.  A few girls remain behind me, chasing me, but at least a minute or two back.  I don’t know exactly where Beth is at this point.

 

Loops 2 and 3 feel great. I’m getting the hang of this, my lungs are adapting and I understand what place I am holding against this field. My initial nerves are gone and now I just need to keep giving it my best, to leave nothing out there, for my own self.   Rolling through loop 4 and keep an ear out for the marshal to call 80% rule on me because I had no idea how far back I was from 1^st place.  80% rule is new to me but not to the pro xct circuit.  It means you get yanked off of course for being too far back.  If you are going to get looped, there is no reason for you to be out there.  In any event, no marshal voice yanking me from course, so I go. I go hard, I want this last loop. I’m really REALLY excited that I get to finish the entire race no matter how far back I was.  Right before the first climb I see Beth sitting with her bike along the side, cheering me on.  I look at her sadly and mouth “What happened?” but she yells, “Go finish it Kata, you look strong” I look back at the climb ahead, I’m ready, I’m taking it.  I find out later she was 80% pulled after her 3rd lap.

Finishing the last lap, smile on my face, my friend Lee-Ann Beatty from Arizona was yelling at me as I rolled through, “Kata, looks like you crashed! Awesome!”   I could only laugh… only from Lee-Ann would I get such enthusiasm from going over the bars in a race.  I’m 16^th out of 24 finishers and 18 minutes behind 1^st place on an hour and half course.  I’ll take it for now!  What a great experience at my first national level race.  I can’t wait to get even stronger.

Beth and I check out of venue not much long after and start the drive back to Phoenix, where the next day we will race again.  We will race the Fat Tire 40 put on by Swiss American Bikes.  This is an endurance event.  I’m anticipating it to be an “interesting” day racing 40 miles in the Arizona desert on a tired body and exhausted legs…. But let’s do it Beth says!   What’s the best part of the ride back?  I was introduced to heating up your previously packed food in a microwave at gas stations.  Who would have thought? With a girl like this in my life, we didn’t eat out once. We ate wholesome pre-packed homemade meals the entire time… I have a feeling that I’m going to be strong at the race tomorrow because of it.  We shall see! (Race report to follow).

Big thanks to Kevin Utley, Beth’s Husband, who drove us, supported us, and made us laugh through the weekend and big thanks to Marty Coplea from AZ Devo for his support on course.  I also have support from Adventure Bike Company, Trisports.com, and Shredly.  

Congrats to all the girls racing in Bonelli this weekend!

ITU's Xterra Alabama 2012

Alabama you say?!  Yes, Alabama…. And it is beautiful. The people are awesome, the trails are epic, and the air has this perfect balance of warmth and humidity.  Our team consisted of Rebecca Tschider, Nick Skaggs, Alan Abeyta and Myself.  Traveling with us was Rebecca’s husband Jeff as support. 

We arrived midweek to Birmingham and drove down to Pelham which is but 20 minutes.  Arriving to the site early allowed for a full pre ride of the mountain bike course on Thursday. Followed by a full loop of both the swim and run course on Friday. 

Off road venues are pretty chill, but I was unsure what to expect as this one was to host the ITU Championships in conjunction with the Xterra East Championships.  This meant that athletes from all over the world were traveling in.   Yet, the atmosphere didn’t disappoint and everybody seemed the familiar; looking for a burger/brat/bbq of some sort and cool beer to share stories over.  Side note: The dirtier we get and the more blood we show, the better stories we have to share!

The race starts “well after the sun comes up” which is unique for road triathlons but not Xterra’s. We must like our ZZZ’s.  Either that or we like the heat? Or perhaps we just like finishing races at beer thirty….  In any event, it was a beautiful day! A 2 loop course swim of 1500 meters total in a still lake nestled amongst large green trees.  Transition was close and compact; I was on my way into the epic mountain bike course within 30 minutes of start.  Alabama has been labeled as one of the most technical courses in the circuit.  I was looking forward to it.  It had everything that I am strong at.  Climbs, bank turns, and the technical down hills did not disappoint.   Most of it I rolled pretty smoothly, but one spot that the locals call “blood rock” was definitely a hurdle.  I had pre-road it just fine and knew a good line through it, but race day was different. I choked half way through, threw a foot out and half biked and half stumbled down the majority of it hoping that I wouldn’t face plant.  After clearing the section I yelled out the spectators “No blood for this girl!” which got a laugh. 

Coming out of swim I was mid pack, but rolling into transition 2, I was in 4^th place overall.  Like I said, the bike course is awesome and it felt good to feel the awesomeness.  So there I was running out with the top 3 girls to complete our 6.2 mile trail run to the finish.   I’m not as strong of a runner as those top girls but after a strong bike, I can usually hold on long enough.  My hips felt tight and after a couple miles, the hamstrings started to lock up.  I looked like I was trying to run with a stick shoved up my… well you know. ;)  Eventually loosening up, I didn’t run into any hamstring problems again until the last mile and a half where at that point I slowed down and just looked up into the sky to ask for 10 more minutes. 10 more minutes is all I needed to finish this race and 10 minutes I got.  I ran through the shoot at 6^th female overall, landed a 3^rd in my age division, and a trip to the Xterra World Championships in Hawaii.  This October I’ll be getting dirty on the island of Maui.
What did I learn?  After getting back to transition to pick up my bike, I noticed I hadn’t drunk my nutrition as planned.  Drink your nutrition! Maybe I wouldn’t have cramped and held onto the 4^th place.

I also learned that an entire world existed in Alabama that I was unaware of.  It’s a beautiful state and I was sent home with a staple of a sandwich that the locals enjoy.  Pineapple / Mayo Sandwich on cheap bread.  I told one of the locals, “I’ll try your sandwich if you try mine” (which was a peanut butter /jelly/banana).  She looked at me as if I was speaking in tongues, “banana?” yes, Banana!  “peanut butter?”  . YES, peanut butter! 

The pineapple and mayo sandwich does not disappoint… but it won’t be a pre race meal anytime soon!

Xterra World Championship 2012

The Xterra World Championships are set on the beautiful island of Maui each year in October.  Its an off-road race consisting of an ocean swim, a mountain bike, and a trail run in Kapalua.  It contains the most advanced and strongest off-road triathletes in the world.  I was fortunate enough this year to land my spot in Alabama at a regional championship race.  In Alabama I placed 6^th overall amateur and 3^rd in my age group.  (fast age group!!! Yikes!) 

Manuvering my way through the village and the course on the days leading up to the race, I knew it was going to be tough. The Xterra folks not only set a tough championship course for us, but the weather for the swim was a little iffy.  A tsunmai warning went into effect the night before, and we were unclear as to how this was going to affect us. Xterra sent out a warning but did not hint at any swim cancellation.  We knew as off-road champions… it was going to take a lot before they cancelled anything.  Sure enough, the shore break was over 6 feet tall and as a 2 loop course, we came in and out of it twice.  Otherwise, it was a beautiful swim!  We even had the security of 3 dolphins playing in the waters with us.  I had a terrific swim and jumped in and out of T2 without much time wasted.  The bike in Maui was hard. It was not hard because of any technical measures.  In fact, technically it maybe the most tame course in the circuit.  What made it hard is the type of dirt and the climbs. It had the most climbing I’ve ever experienced at an Xterra race, and the dirt was soft. It felt like your tires were actually fighting against you!  What was fun about the course is that it’s dirty. Oh it’s sooo dirty that you get dirt in places you didn’t know existed and you’re digging it out for weeks.   I ran into mechanical issues half way through the bike, which slowed me down a bit but all in all, my time came out to be a fairly average bike split.  The first 3 miles of the run course were uphill, but it’s a beautiful 3 miles. You run with heat and humidity in your lungs.  I swear the water from the swim still hadn’t left my skin at this point. I was drenched and dripping from head to toe. The sun was shining down on us and at the top of the hill we were rewarded with amazing views over looking the ocean as we jumped and ducked through trees and logs.  We battled boulders and rock drops, only to land back on the sandy beach to run in our quarter mile to the finish at the Ritz Carlton.

I was rewarded with a lei, it was beautiful and so lively, the orchids smelt like heaven.  Volutneers threw ice cold towels over our heads and took us to tents to replenish our fluids.  I awaited the finish line for our friend Rebecca who battled the same course and had an excellent time. We both got our leis and relaxed the rest of the night with a celebratory bottle of champange. 

I’m not only excited to say that I’m 9^th in the world for the 30-34 division of Xterra Women, but I’m happy and honored to have the fitness and health to experience such great events. I’ve traveled and seen so many great things this year, and to have the support of my friends and family… My Phoenix Tri Club Team members…. I truly feel blessed.  We never know what our future holds, but I will also be thankful for so much support I have received from everybody no matter what the end game may be.

Going Pro and The Whiskey Off Road Recap

To have courage, you must have the ability to take action against fear.  This sums up my transition from State CAT1 to my First Pro Mtn Bike Race that took place in Prescott at the Whiskey Off Road 50 Miler.  Up against the largest Pro category, arguably in the world, I stuck my head out of my shell and dabbled amongst the big girls for the very first time.

Over the last year, I've been racing the state races, CAT1- expert field. I had been racing local endurance events, 24 hour races, Xterra Triathlons.  All very challenging in their own way and coming out ahead of the crowd (mostly).  After time there exists a comfort zone, a familiar zone that we all enjoy and perhaps take for granted.  Although I was winning these races, I'd come off depressed for days, weeks at a time. Friends would wonder why.  "Why are you down about your races when you are doing so well?"  Well it's all relative.  The more racing and the more training I'd completed, the more comfortable I was racing these races.   I argued that I'd rather be training than racing. What?! Really? When I spoke these words for the first time I shocked myself because I live to race. Or once did!  Did I really allow myself to get stuck in this manner?  That I enjoyed my comfortable training routine that much? Racing wasn't exhilarating?!

Friends, Family, other racers, poked and prodded me over the last few months. Why haven't you applied for your pro card yet?  Well I didn't deserve it yet, I would argue back. "I'm not ready, I'm not there. The other girls are stronger."   As months of these comments wore on though, I started to reflect further on the idea.  I applied for the pro mountain card for a few factors. First,  I do not want to hide from fear. I wanted to take action against it. Second, I wanted to seek out the exhilaration of racing at a higher level no matter where that might place me at first.  Lastly, I want to grow and become stronger and competing aka getting my ass slaughtered by this new level of girls will help me get there.  I was afraid, I am afraid, and I will remain afraid, but I hope to find the ability to take action against it and eventually start to succeed again.

In summary, my first Pro mountain bike race, The Whiskey Off Road, contained a 30K prize pot split evenly between male and female down to 10 slots and it is held in beautiful Prescott, AZ and on award winning single track.  It brings out the toughest field from all over the nation.  These girls are no joke as the spanked me  hard in the Fat Tire Crit which is the weekend's qualifier event held Downtown Prescott Friday night and then again come race day Sunday morning.  These girls look  normal. They are not. They are beasts, but the kindest of beasts I've ever met. They all support each other and also want to see their field get stronger.  Although I saw them take off on me into the distant.  I still laid down a good time for the course, but against this larger field, it was only enough to land me a second from last place finish. 

 

I came off course knowing that I had given it everything I had. There was a few moments where I had to adjust my attitude and overcome the lows. There were times where I almost felt the muscles in my legs tear in half and was fearful that they just might do so with every next pedal stroke.  There were also times where I felt great and I pounded through beautiful trees, jumped down logs and boulders, climbed up to beautiful vistas, splashed through cool streams.  By the time I made it to the finish line, I was beat up, hammered into almost nothing, but I had a huge smile on my face.  Never before have I been able to compete at such a level and I consider the fact that I over came my fear that weekend to race, a success in itself.  

Now I am ready to take myself to the next level, to become stronger and stronger each and every day.  I have great support here in my community.  Old Friends and New Friends that continuously push  me to be a better person in multiple aspects of my life. I'm a very lucky girl.  Perhaps next year I will return to the Whiskey Off Road Line and hold those girls for a while longer. Perhaps I will place mid pack?  Perhaps they will look back at me on course and go "Wow! She is still on my tire!"  Perhaps.... Perhaps.  

The fear will drive my action to be courageous, to give it all I have and see where I land in the new few years.

 

This is my main supporter, my husband, Nick. Who I wouldn't be here today without his help:  This was taken near the New Belgium Brew Tent where they were selling $3.00 drafts all weekend out of the side of a truck while we got to listen to live bands and ultimately Roger Cline and the Peacemakers.

Reflections of 2011

Going into 2011, I felt strong, ready for a wonderful year with friends and family. I had clear concise goals and I looked to the future of building upon relationships and growing into a better person. Did I succeed in these goals? Well, yes and no.

First I laid out the following quantifiable goals:

24 Hours of Old Pueblo (solo mtn bike) – Goal was to complete 14 laps of 17 miles in the given 24 hours.

Oceanside 70.3 – Goal was to finish under 5:30.

Boston Marathon – Goal was to finish in under 3:38. Only to PR my previous marathon time.

Ironman CDA 140.6 – Goal was to sub 12:30.

The only goal I hit this year was my Boston Marathon time. I PR'ed this and ran a 3:33, but it was an unrewarding to say the least. Running the Boston Marathon is an amazing day, but I cannot describe this in a blog. It is something only understood by other marathoner's who have run the course, and also It is also only understood by those individuals who have sacrificed blood, sweat, tears, hours of training, moments away from their family to qualify to race this prestigious event in the first place. Yes I was engulfed by the spirit of the race, I was mesmerized by the town, and I was uplifted and rejuvenated coming off course... yet I do not feel I earned my spot in Boston the way others did. It takes runners years and multiple marathons to qualify, yet I did it in one season of specified training and at my first marathon ever. Will I run Boston again? Yes, but not until I feel I have earned it.

24 Hours of Old Pueblo I DNF'ed. It was my first DNF ever yet I sought a bit of revenge later in the year at 24 Hours of Fury with my husband in the co-ed duo category. Not only did we kill the co-ed category but we also placed above all other male duo teams. Go Go Team Estrogen? Or lack thereof in my case....

Oceanside 70.3 I laid out as much as I could and came within the minute, but no such goal.

Ironman CDA 140.6 Although I feel as though I hit my goal in this race because I came very close, I want to say that it was such a beautiful town and Ironman course, that just being there was enough to call "goal".

2011 took me to other areas of racing that I had no idea that I would excel in. First, Xterra, I crushed a local Xterra event in June and was first amateur through the finish line, allowing me to travel to Nationals to compete with the big kids. What an amazing adventure. I am turning into a gifted mountain biker and I'm looking forward to growing in this department.

I'm a runner after all! When I first started running in 2008, I made it a mile, about puked, and half walked, jogged my way back. In March I won a local trail running series and in one of the early races not only beat all the women but came in first amongst all the men as well. In July I ran one of the hardest 50 mile trail runs in the nation in under 12 hours, which qualifies me to run 100 if I do it within the next 2 years. In the later of 2011, I ran a half marathon in 1:33 minutes! I ran my first 5K in 20:58! This is like just above a 7 minute pace, which is crazy for me to comprehend because I have been running just to run. I run track workouts, I run hill repeats, I run long runs, I run recovery runs... all for the "fun" of it. I hadn't been paying attention to how much I had been growing, but I had!

All this that I have talked about already, matters, but it hasn't defined who I am this year. It just defines what I've done and where I've been. True matters to the heart that I must reflect on came on January 11th... early in the year my mother suffered respiratory distress and ultimately lung failure, putting her into the hospital for a good 2 months, unconscious and on life support. I went from careless, fun filled, attentive to mind/body/spirit of myself and those around me... to questioning who I was, where I was, what relationships were important, and other issues such as, when will I sleep again, do I have to go to work after being up all night? Do I have to do this treadmill run at early hours to make sure I maintain my race goals? Did my race goals even matter anymore? I'm have many responsibilities to uphold, how will I accomplish them? Do I even have the desire to accomplish something, and if anything, what?

I maintained a respectable level of training (most would call it overtraining actually, wondering what I was running from), but not the people closest to me. I upheld work. I went to work most days with the occasional interruption due to hospital calls, and emergency situations involving my mother's vitals from one moment to the next. Life or death calls to make, papers to sign, court appearances, attorney's to hire, paperwork and filings I didn't understand, family that doesn't approve of your decisions, your reactions, your approach, or anything YOU. I maintained taking care of my husband and house chores in a decent matter, but I won't say he didn't suffer, he still does with me. He is the only one who saw and sees me when everybody else is gone. The depression and withdrawal, I don't converse as I once did. I get exhausted and irritable within moments of trying to complete tasks that most would find relatively simple. Others didn't see these things, but most felt something was wrong and good friends checked in, helped maintain my sanity by providing moments of fun and games, taking me out to play. I primarily thank Danielle and JenFriend. Shayna/Maria and Rebecca stepped in midyear to also save the day. Coworkers got a taste of irritability and a couple anxiety attacks out of the blue. It is only now that I am understanding everything that has happened to me this year and I give thanks to my friends and family, my husband, and my counselor who has guided and shed light on situations I didn't previously understand.

My mother is back, but due to the treatments she received in the hospital, might never be the same person she once was. She knows this and struggles with it. She is slower to react, is unsure in social situations, struggles with mental processes, and even worse has nightmares and hallucinations on a continual basis. She wishes that I would have let her die and even tried to go back into the hospital just to get her wish. So, her struggles are sometimes unbearable and my heart stays broken for her, but hopeful that with all of us working together that time will eventually heal wounds. On a positive side, she has a new light heartedness to her, she enjoys things that most don't take the time for. For example, painting, it relaxes her. How often do we speed through life and forget to take moments of relaxation for ourselves? I watch her and envy her new found hobby. Her personality is also a lot less judgmental of others now a days. Curious of those around her and accepting of them.

I lost relationships in 2011, I lost my grandparents, I lost my best friend Mary, I lost a connection with my husband. I'm working at all of these as best as I can. As we are coming down to the end of 2011, I've noticed that my grandparents are reaching out to me more. With the trials and tribulations of my mother and me moving further away from them.... when we conflicted, we grew apart. They have always felt something was wrong, but recent events show me that they are wanting to reach out more and desire the same from me. I'm looking forward to working at being that "good ol' number 1" as they call me. (I am the first grandkid). I lost my best friend because I couldn't tell her what I needed of her and she (like me) requires clear concise directions and goals in life to maintain sanity. I threw her a new one when I didn't clearly understand what I needed, let alone give her any direction on how she could be there for me. It separated us early in the year emotionally. It got worse with every event or activity we did together, hurting each other, not being willing to break down that wall when the hurt DID happen and a whirlwind effect thereafter. Acting out against each other in a love/hate way, eventually ended with minimal communication and misery watching each other from afar... wanting to embrace each other but unsure how. I lost a connection I once had with my husband, who always wants to be there for me, allowed me to sink into my depression around the house. He allowed me space to deal with my mother, and I needed that, but it is a double edged sword because while you want space and minimal confrontation of these issues, the long term result is a disconnect, he now will never know really the pain that I felt, the moments I didn't want to make it myself. It was and now will always be a lonely road. I only felt aggravated if he tried to stay with me during late night hospital stays or tried to lend an ear... I pushed away any hard conversations. Still, I remain slightly depressed throughout the evenings, after a long day of putting on face. I am trying to work at being the old Kata I once was in all THREE of these relationships.

Closing in on the year.... My mother will continue to improve and we will all be there for her, to help her find her way. I'm forcing myself out with family, starting with Christmas, to reconnect with my Grandparents, to take in the moment around the old house. I was able to reconnect with Mary, as what she calls an early Christmas gift. I couldn't agree more. I am hoping that 5 months of disconnect/anger/shame/hurtfulness is a sliver of the time I have remaining with her. My husband and I are already starting to reconnect more and more, we make time together to not only run/bike/swim etc. but we make extra time to sit together, eat together, drink a beer together, right now we've taken on a jigsaw puzzle that allows us time to talk without me feeling the pressure of saying too much or letting too much out. In fact I'm enjoying the jigsaw puzzle idea. It allows me disconnect from my thoughts and gives me a sense of peacefulness I haven't found in a while. This is a great relief right now because lately, I have found that reading, which was once so relaxing, has become taxing. Sometimes, a certain thought from an author can spark my brain and divert my thought processes for minutes... finding myself turning back pages to reread what already tried to read.

In 2012, I'm hoping to be going strong. Mentally I am starting to feel more stable. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel yet for my late night depression, BUT perhaps accepting it is there is the first step. I have great friends, I have a great husband, family. I will be racing and leading for the Phoenix Triathlon Club for the duration of '12 and I'm looking forward to an excellent season. My training is currently going strong and I already feel as if I'm getting stronger week by week. I know that I will be able to let loose more often... accept my failures when they arise. I don't want to put an unhealthy amount of stress and pressure on myself during 2012. I Do have quantifiable goals though and I'll share them now:

-Run under 3:30 at PF Changs Marathon and feel confident to sign up for Boston again for 2013.

-Qualify for Xterra Worlds

-Run Zane Grey 50 Miler Ultra in under 13 hours, AND...

-Maintain consistent Age Group placements at all Phoenix Tri Club events and other local races.

I am limiting myself to 4 goals this year race wise for my health and well being. I plan to find a way to rejuvenate myself by taking a bit of an off season before going strong midyear. This doesn't mean I won't be doing any other events, I am just not going to stress myself out with them.

My other goals are to be there for friends and family. I want to be supportive of others and provide leadership in the community the best way I know how.

Sooo onto 2012, but first... the Holidays await and I am already starting to feel more relaxed knowing I have 9 days off before the New Year to rejuvenate my mind body and soul.

Lake Tahoe Rim 50 Mile Trail Run

The Tahoe Rim Trail's motto is "A glimpse of heaven, a taste of hell" This phrase couldn't have been more appropriate as I trans-versed just over 50 miles of the rim trail this past weekend. The annual event, although one of the toughest ultra's in the states due to its altitude and elevation changes, captures enough audience to sell out way in advance. The waiting list was hundred's long come actual race day.

My morning started at 4am. I awoke in our hotel room and started to understand that I was going to have an interesting day due to the fact that I was not even interested in eating my pre-race breakfast. Odd because I was not hungry enough to eat dinner the night before either. I later read that altitude sickness can cause your hunger to subside, your heart rate to increase, it can cause swelling, nausea, dizziness. Throughout the day I was going to experience all of these. In any event, I packed my adventure pack with the necessities, a change of socks/shorts/top, a first aid kit, a little over 1000 calories of miscellaneous nutrition consisting of bars/gel packs/nuts and dried fruit, 2 liters of water.... sunblock and a 1 ounce shot of vodka as a "last resort" and my camera.

Out the door with an apple in hand, I munched slowly while driving to race venue. Race started at 6am at Spooner Lake, an elevation of around 7000 ft. This was my first ultra race so I decided to stick with middle of the packers and follow what they did for the first couple hours. I found that they shuffle through the flats, walk the uphills, and try their best to be light on their feet on the downhills. The key was to minimize the impact of the ground under your feet. Staying with this group was already throwing my heart rate above a comfortable zone and of course I worried. Mile 11 was the first check in and also where I changed out of my warm-up pants and into my running shorts. After-wards my legs felt more open and ready to tackle the next segment.

The Red House loop was a 6 mile loop with 3 freezing stream crossings and enough elevation change to make you start to respect what the trail really had in-store for us. Half way through we hit an aid station and I started to realize that nutrition wasn't going to be an easy task for me today. Nothing looked good. I grabbed a quarter peanut butter and jelly, and continued on. It made me feel sick.

Climbing out of Red House and past mile 17 I found the trail becoming one of the most beautiful trails I have ever seen. The climbs were horrendous but as we starting hitting some top elevations, the views were incredible. I knew my body was wearing on me, but I continued at the best pace I thought I could handle. There was the fear of going to hard and not having enough to finish. 13 miles we ascended and descended (primarily ascended) till Diamond Peak. This is a ski resort located towards the North Lake area. During those 13 miles (6 of them covered in snow) I started to understand what was going to work for me as far as nutrition. It came in liquid form and was maltodexdrin based gel packs. I had been experimenting with the fructose/sucrose in the Stinger Waffles and other bars were in general making me sick. The gel products combined with chicken broth saw me through the rest of the race.

The Diamond Peak aid station is stationed at the ski lodge (30 miles in) and was where safety runners could legally be picked up. A safety runner is somebody that can run behind you, keep you aware, talk you through your worst moments, but realistically just be there as a friend would be. I did not have a safety runner, but the aid station was packed with supporters who cheered and hollered at everybody who came through. Honestly, I wanted to stay here because it was an all out party complete with hamburgers, hot dogs, and Popsicles!

My concern at the Diamond Peak aid station was water and how far the next station was. I had been going through water fairly quickly and while I had not run out between check points yet, I had gotten really close to dry. I could carry 2 liters max at a time. The next aid station was only 2 miles away, but consisted of close to 2500 ft of climbing. I knew the next 2 miles were going to be the most challenging of the trail, turns out that was an understatement. I decided to go light and fill my pack with 1 liter to keep weight off my legs. Off I went, 45 minutes later and dry as a bone, I reached aid for a full fill up. This Bull Wheel aid station (pic below) had one of the most beautiful views as it sat fairly off to the side of Diamond Peak.

Now, the remaining miles were long, hard, gruesome and so very painful. I found that yes I did eventually go through all my water between aid stops and had to suffice to eating some snow to get me through. Yet, there was not a moment out there that I would have traded. The pain I felt with each step, getting me closer and closer was so surreal. I felt so alive, I felt so miserable. I stopped many times and once to sit down to cry a bit.

The most mentally challenging portion of the race came to me at mile 39.3 (to be exact) at the Hobart aid station. It was the first stop on the way out (6 miles) and as it was a looped course, I figured it would be my last and also 6 miles to the finish. As I approached and as I read the mileage sign, I argued with the supporters that it was impossible that there was over 10 miles to go. It was absolutely not possible, but they enlightened me to the fact that I do not return the same way I came in. There was an entirely different route home. I was devastated to say the least, and I was not the only one. I collapsed into a camp chair and hung my head. Aid station workers naturally came over with nutrition and water. I spent about 10 minutes arguing with them and myself about whether or not I had 10 miles left in me. They convinced me to continue on and I did, I emptied the dirt and rocks from my shoes and off I went. I spent the next 15-20 minutes walking, with my head hung low and definitely not in a good place. Yet, when the calories I had eaten finally sunk in, I found energy to continue. A slow jog got me up to the summit of the trail, 9200 ft was Snow Valley Peak and 7 downhill miles awaited me to the finish.

These last 7 miles were painful, but I ran them. Walking hurt more than running at this point. Not only were my muscles holding on for dear life, but my hips were really starting to lock up. I started rounding the lake at 5:40pm and I could hear the music and festivities of the finish line. It pumped me and I gave it all I could to come in before 6pm. Under 12 hours I told myself and yes, 11:55 was my final time. 11 hours and 55 minutes to conquer the "heavenly hell" of Lake Tahoe Rim Trail Ultra!

Right now my body aches like it never has before, but also, my heart and my soul yearns for more. It wishes it was out there again, just to take in one more deep breath of that wonderful rim air and to be able to see one more vista. To be able to touch one more patch of snow and to splash through one more stream.

The next morning I was able to rehash the ups and downs, the trials and tribulations with my good friend Mary who had completed it with me as her first 50 as well. Both coffee and stories flowed for hours until we finally went and soaked our legs in the beautiful cold waters of Lake Tahoe.



I thank Mary for getting me out on these adventures. She always lays out the challenge and I never regret one step of them.

At home, my husband Nick, my Mother and Grandparents.. friends... were all watching closely online to make sure that we both made it out alive. I love the people I have in my life. Without them, it would all mean nothing.

Now I'm onto the next adventures. In 2012, American River 50 miler with my friend, Danielle, who will be taking on her first. The Zane Grey 50 will also be my destination with Eric Glass who lays more smack down challenges on us than any other friend (but also who is the most supportive). The Xterra Triathlon series with my suppa fun hard core off road buddy, Rebecca. And of course my husband who will be by my side through it all.

I'm looking forward to seeing more of the world by foot, bike and water. Bring it!!!!